I'm cancelling the after school gym class today. Would you?
For years I didn't cancel and never said no. I worked long hours most days and never missed a play date or swimming lesson, no matter how worn out or unwell I was!
Like most of us, I want my daughter to be independent, responsible and driven, but I also want her to rest when she is unwell, be kind to herself and have enough downtime to figure out what makes her happy. This is a balance that has taken me until my 40s to get better at.
Today I don't feel well. I've still gone to my meetings, worked all day and will still make a healthy dinner, but something has to give if I want to feel better sooner rather than later. Rather than braving the dark night for her gym class at 6pm, we will be cancelling and relaxing in front of the fire with the TV on.
"Children become who you are, so be who you want them to be."
An extra hour of downtime after work, when we are under pressure, could be the difference between burning out or not. I used to think this was lazy, but it's a crucial part of recovering from the high-pressure environments so many of us function in during the day.
Our children will still be able to swim as adults or enjoy football or netball. Cancel the after school obligations occasionally and show our small people how to prioritise themselves.
Since my daughter could talk, I have explained things like this: "It's important to go to the things we have committed to, especially when someone is expecting us, but it's also important to check in with our body and make sure it's the right thing for us today." Even at infant school age she could describe her energy levels, and she is respectful when I say we need to change plans for some reason.
The pressure we apply as parents for our children to be involved in so many extracurricular activities comes from a great place. We want to expose them to different things, help them learn multiple skills and be team players. But I genuinely believe that if we're not careful, we instil in them that constant rushing and competing are the norm. Can we bring back a little boredom, play and connection?
Showing our children how to look after their health and wellbeing, cope, and say no when it's all too much isn't a bad thing.
As someone who works with busy parents and leaders every day, I see it constantly. Many of the parents I work with are doing too much for their bodies and brains to cope with: back-to-back meetings, deadlines to meet, problems to solve, policy to change, everything that goes wrong to handle, and then racing to get to ballet on time!
Let's normalise watching TV together sometimes and making space for downtime, and in turn for connection, restoration and even creativity.
My experience has taught me it's OK to cancel dance, swimming or that play date. We still have friends, she can still swim in a pool and she still loves to dance.
When did you last dance?
Amy Wray - October 2026
